


The Book Club

by Nate_kun



Series: The [x] Club [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 16:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16580210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nate_kun/pseuds/Nate_kun
Summary: Felicia has bad taste in literature.





	The Book Club

**Author's Note:**

> A republication from Fanfiction.net, enjoy. 
> 
> Word Count: 657 words.

_"He cradled her in his arms, his lips dangerously close to hers. It was at that moment that he conveniently realized, for the first time in his life, just how stunning she really was. The way her eyes sparkled in the moonlight, the perfectly symmetrical amount of space between her eyebrows, the way her breasts... existed."_

_"He was smitten. His head said no but his heart said yes, and before he could decide which to listen to, he was already moving in for the money shot."_

"Oh, lovely. The story is turning into assault." Jakob interjects, disgusted look on his esteemed face. "That's exactly what I needed to go with my tea, a scoopful of stock libido as written by a middle-aged hag who hasn't ridden a mount in her life."

"E-Eh?" Felicia squeaks, placing herself back in reality and away from her self-immersion. "T-They're not..  _ **H-He's not going to try anything!**_ They're love interests! They were meant to be from the beginning!..  _I-It's supposed to be romantic!_ "

"I don't see why she needs to be unconscious in order for him to progress the relationship." Jakob places his copy on the table and sips his cup of tea in place. "Or is that his thing? His defining character trait? Funny, the previous four chapters don't ever mention it."

The maid frowns, disheartened by his tone. "I-I.. It's supposed to be true love! She was placed under a spell, a-and she needs a kiss from her childhood friend to wake up!"

"The only thing she  _needs_  is a restraining order. You'd never see me befriend such scum."

Out of paranoia, the maid frantically turns to the other members of the peanut gallery, hoping that their perceptions of romance aren't as drab and pessimistic.

Azura isn't any more pleased by the passage than Jakob, but her faults lie elsewhere. "... I'm noticing a lot of grammatical errors." she absentmindedly remarks. Her copy in particular is a mess, riddled with needless self-revisions and sidenotes.

Felicia cocks her head to the side, now fearing that her sappy sentiments aren't being mirrored by the group's other female, "O-Oh? I-I didn't know.."

"Yes, I took the liberty of exposing them all for you. If I may: There is a line of dialogue in the fourth paragraph of chapter three that begins without quotation, 'there' is used instead of the correct 'they're' in the third sentence of chapter four, and there doesn't seem to be any sense of pacing. The heroine is cursed at the end of chapter one, yet this is undone by chapter five?"

At a loss, Felicia fidgets in place and dares to egg her on. "Um, wh-what's wrong with that?"

"There are still nineteen chapters left."

"How horrifying," Jakob mumbles from aside.

"W-Well of course there are!" Felicia stammers, afraid of losing her audience. "They still need to get married, go on their honeymoon, a-and have a romantic getaway!"

"She's lying you know, I read ahead," says the butler. "The next six unrealistic chapters are dedicated to documenting the number of times a woman can climax in a single night."

Azura looks up from her criticism-laced copy. "I'm very sorry, Lady Felicia. I'm afraid I can't bring myself to care about a story that has no story."

"B-But.." Felicia stutters. "I-It's not supposed to be an epic! Haven't you ever read a love story before?!"

"The only stories I know of are ghost stories," she admits with a straight face.

Her smile and optimism fading away, Felicia turns to the remaining member, her heart quivering for his approval, "C-Corrin..?"

"Huh?" The prince blinks, his thoughts admittedly elsewhere for the duration of the critique. "Oh, uh.." scratching the back of his head, he clears his throat and looks at his friends for a basis on what reaction to give.

Jakob's default scowl and Azura's cold, calculating stare don't give much to go on.

"Uh.. It.. It drags a bit in the middle."


End file.
